New year, same me

2018 was a roller coaster, but what year isn’t right? At least my husband was off work this time. We didn’t do anything special, but we don’t have to. Just being near him is all the special I need.

Typically I end every year dwelling on all the things I didn’t accomplish, and especially all the mistakes I can never seem to stop repeating. Even though I did not quite meet the deadline I had set for myself to be client-ready before the end of the year, I got very VERY close.

Closer than I have ever been and it no longer seems like this surreal fantasy life that I’ll never actually get to live.

With the holidays came my parents staying with us for a while and of course winter break from school. That’s about 2 weeks of madness and noise I’m not sure the most undistractable person could work through.

I knew it was coming and that it would make meeting my goal deadline near impossible. I assumed the stress over this would be at its peak midway through and ruin what little I even enjoy anymore about the holidays, but it didn’t.

The stress level actually peaked in November. I put in extra hours right up until my parents arrived and the kids got off school. And then I just let go.

Surprising how easy it came actually, it’s not like me or my Virgo nature at all but that’s the best way I can explain it. I cut myself a little slack, forgave myself, thought about some additional changes I’d like to make to my site copy, and pushed the goal deadline out a bit.

There was really nothing else for it, it just wasn’t going to happen by December 31st 2018 and I was not feeling at all discouraged about it so it kind of felt right to be honest. Like maybe the goal was a little unrealistic in the first place considering how much needed to be done and with only myself to do it.

On a more general note, I’m also glad to say that I feel like I grew a little this past year and broke a bad habit or 2 that always had me feeling extra stressed unnecessarily by the end of the year. If I believed in New Year’s resolutions, I guess my main one would be to keep that shit up and not allow myself to fall into those stress traps again.

I prefer to make resolutions as I go because I firmly believe that attaching it to New Year’s is almost a guarantee that it will fail. At least that has been my history with the tradition so I shelved the practice several years ago.

Instead, I just have a general running list of things I would like to start incorporating into my routine. The most recent additions are:

• Relax and allow myself to smile more
• Draw more, on paper and iPad
• Make that green ring on my watch move a little more
• Remove the guilt from doing things I like once in a while but don’t because there’s so much other stuff to do

All in all, I’m feeling positive about 2019. I know there’s going to be some MAJOR shitshow days, failures, setbacks, sadness and loss. There ALWAYS is and it always feels like the absolute end of the world during but somehow we make it through anyway. I feel like I left my pessimism behind about 10 years ago and the older I get, the more optimistic I get, maybe annoyingly so lol. Whatever, Happy New Year!

Tags: #newyear #newyearsameme #goals #freelance #optimisim